Punchbowl Press Possessed by New Owner in Hostile Takeover

The Punchbowl Gazette is under the management of Edward Stubblefield after a hostile takeover that coincided with what some residents are calling a “zombie apocalypse.”

 

“I’m the brains behind this operation now, and not a moment too soon,” said Stubblefield. “I’m looking forward to breathing new life into this paper.”

 

When asked what they thought of their new editor, reporters responded with enthusiastic grunts, moans, and rousing shouts of “Brains!”

Letter from the Editor

 

People of Punchbowl, lend me your ear and any other body parts you’re willing to spare.

 

For too long, this newspaper has spread slanderous lies about perfectly innocent gentlemen just trying to reconnect with the love of their life. Lucky for you, I’ve got the guts to change things up.

 

Trust me, you’re gonna want to get in on this.

 

-Edward Stubblefield

Corrections:

Last week, the Punchbowl Gazette reported that the ringleader of the attacks on Punchbowl had an ugly tie. In fact, the tie was and is incredibly stylish.